Funny humorous horoscope who is what evil spirits according to the zodiac sign. An excellent and rather big portion of positive.
Serpent Gorynych – Aries (March 21 – April 20)
The unremitting energy of the ruling planet – Mars influences the poor animal with such force that everyone around it runs with burnt holes and smells of fire. Therefore, his inextinguishable care and attention, as well as himself, is hard to miss. It burns with all parts of speech honestly and bluntly, but it would be better to be silent.
The serpent Gorynych is impulsive, he should count to thirty and think carefully with his every head before flying and building, destroying everything to the ground. He does not manage to try on someone else’s skin, not a single skin will fit on such a large-scale personality. Therefore, it is creeping, flying, sleeping and flamethrowing self-confidence, exorbitant pride and the ultimate truth.
An ardent supporter of polite dictatorship and tactful imposition of one’s own opinion with aimed fire, but he won’t get into the fray first. Each barrel has a massive gag that seeks to lead the owner of the barrel, and the drink, and the barrel. He thinks globally, in a big way, greatly exaggerating the facts. If he is sick all over, then three at once, if he has eaten with the appetite of one knight, swears that he has eaten a dozen.
DOMOVOY – Taurus (April 21 – May 21)
If you got Domovoi in your apartment, do not despair, consider that you are very lucky, you cheaply purchased Taurus, and Zolotoy. Take a deep breath and don’t breathe, think about the material, don’t ask yourself the stupid question every day: “Where did the money go?” Money that appears in the house is immediately stored in a reliable bank, which you can’t get to without good reason. Better think about something spiritual, for example, about the soul, because Domovoi, though caring and practical, is evil, and your life will be restless.
WILD – Gemini (May 22 – June 21)
Wildly changeable nature, shampoo and conditioner in one bottle. Three minutes ago, Leshiy arranged a scandal for you and gave heat in the country of coal that they were not standing there, whistling, picking mushrooms, and now it carefully blows like cool air conditioning. What if you sweat while you sort things out with him? Because in order to find out relations with Lesha, you need angelic patience, a sense of humor and a lot of free time. To listen to Leshoy, so everyone except him has arms, legs, head not growing from where he needs to. You’ll have to turn your skin inside out, change the right boot to the left, the left to the right and guilty backtrack on business, so that Leshy will spare you and don’t try twelve hours a day on any freely given topic. Do not sit on a tree stump, do not eat a pie – it will talk, confuse, choke on a pie.
The Goblin has three gifts: the gift of the word, the gift of deed and the gift of tediousness, moreover, he gives them away for free. Guided by the swift-footed Mercury, Leshy is as mobile as mercury, runs, flickers, boiling nobody’s right decoction of freshly mossed. Better than him, no evil spirits can become cluttered and quickly turn a normal, spacious forest into a slum. The Goblin does not lie, but plays with imagination, does not confuse the tracks, but jokes, does not intrigue, but has fun, is not late, but is delayed. Therefore, he is an excellent politician, schemer and talented critic of everyone and everything, but, like Vodyany, he is not appreciated in his native forest.
KIKIMORA – Cancer (June 22 – July 22)
Emotional, sentimental, dreamy, sensitive, affectionate and good-natured evil. A dual, contradictory nature, loves change and diversity, she wants to go to the women, or to the girls, to be either Kikimora home, dependent, or Kikimora wildly free, marsh. Having quarreled with Vodiany, he runs to Domovoy, offended by Domovoy, returns to Vodiany, torn between the house and the swamp, as a rule, is unhappy and not understood in his personal life.
It has the gift of foresight, if you get drunk from a hoof, then you will become a kid, if you climbed foolishly to drown in a swamp, it means that you do not have everything at home. In any case, you need an ambulance to help Kikimora. She will yell at you mentally, deliver a hundred leeches, pour cold water on her, smear her with healing mud, wrap it in mud and lay it under a bush to recover.
Kikimora is disinterested, knows how to keep secrets, you can entrust her with a gold coin while lying down under the bush. She will bury it, and by morning you will grow a whole tree strewn with gold. If suddenly the tree does not grow, and Kikimora forgot which field of fools buried the coin, do not despair, the main thing is not the result, but the care and attention shown. Kikimora’s faithful and devoted friend, falling into her claws, you are doomed.
KOT BAYUN – Leo (July 23 – August 23)
The king of beasts, retiring to doubtful peace, having fallen into childhood, returning to its roots. It goes to the right – the song starts, to the left – the fairy tale says, it does it masterfully with great charisma, even if it does not have a hearing or a voice. Maybe lull, if not time, not place, and you were not going to sleep. Mash it up – you will fall asleep forever, but you will see colorful dreams as Cat Bayun goes to the right – the song starts, to the left …
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Endowed with intelligence and magnetism, but often suffers from amnesia: “I am not I, and the kittens are not mine, where I was, whom I finished off with intellect, magnetized tightly – I don’t remember.” Generous and noble: “I forgive everyone I owe!” He loves to patronize, especially the weak: a mouse, a hare, a hamster, a bird, a fish. He takes care of him for a long time, carefully, with interest, and can then graciously release him if he has played enough. You should vigilantly take care of it – feed it with sour cream, fresh meat, drink cream, stroke the hair, comb out the fleas, otherwise it will grow sick and refuse to stay with you as the meaning of life. Do not flatter yourself, Cat Bayun is a wild animal, just as you don’t feed him, everyone is looking into the forest. A stubborn, arrogant and damn savvy predator, if he needs to get that sausage, he will hunt until the sausage is surrendered to the winner.
BABA YAGA – Virgo (August 24 – September 23)
In fact – this is Vasilisa the Wise, tired of the bustle and disappointed in the human race, which she knows as flaky. Misanthrope and cynic, retired gray cardinal, who secluded himself in the wilderness for the ingenious weaving of beads of intrigues. He peacefully brews potions, dries fly agarics for the winter, so that on occasion he can treat his neighbor who has gone too far into the forest.
The nature is closed, overly cautious, boring and demanding, will check seven times why they came, and only once cut your tail to the ears, because it doesn’t recognize any compromises, you torture the case, you do it, the average is not given, “after heavy plowing to lie on the stove, there are kalachi ”as an argument does not pass. Uncleanliness is fair, conscientious and meticulous, reads evil thoughts, understands nastiness at a glance, expresses itself adequately in response. A weak strategist, but a strong tactician, he is able to otomatiruyut send to hell, by tapping a small ball and indicating the direction with a broom.
Baba Yaga’s remarks often hurt, acts shocking, ruthlessness and coldness offend good fellows, but her help is effective as “dead” + “living” water when you have already been chopped into cabbage. The evil spirits are industrious, wasteful, economical and thrifty, but reckless, “in the mood” can let the accumulated funds go into the wind, playing with Nightingale the Robber in preference.
Yaga has a perfect work organization in the hut, potions are arranged in the right mess, spiders weave cobwebs in strictly designated corners, the cat spoils exclusively where necessary, the mice are built and run in a clear sequence by pigs, flies fly along the intended path. Baba Yaga is laconic, restrained, but curious, arranges an inquiry with an addiction for nothing. Caution! Everything that you confuse in the testimony will be used against you.
MARA – Libra (September 24 – October 23)
The ghost lives in a medieval castle in thick fog, especially in the mornings. The mysterious, muddy creature, where it goes – does not know what to put on – has not chosen, with whom – it is not known why – has not come up with, most likely, it will not go anywhere, because it is necessary to get up, drag yourself carefully weigh all the pros and cons vs”. Without an analysis of the situation, which itself will stir up to the limit, Mara will not move a finger, will not lead her ear, she will not rustle with a shroud. You can lure evil spirits only “for terrible interest”.
A supporter of the beliefs why to run, if you can stand, why to stand, if you can sit and why to sit, if you can lie. It is no coincidence that evil spirits personify death from suffocation, it is enough to go shopping with it, and you will either strangle it or exhale yourself. To be or not to be in this suit is a matter of life, death and your iron nerves.
Mara, an extremely noisy and annoying ghost, arriving at midnight until six o’clock in the morning rattles with chains vigorously discussing with you a touching and funny story “how it got to such a life after death,” even if you are silent, yawn and unsuccessfully trying to sleep. But Mara is not so much your nightmare as the embodied fate-villain, continuous hassle and a slight clouding of reason. It can get out of the other world and tactlessly, but affectionately, endure your brain. Do not worry, evil will not annoy evil during the day, it is not visible – it is not audible when it comes to everyday, dreary work.
Mermaid – Scorpio (October 24 – November 22)
If you are determined to swim, get ready for the worst. Cultivate willpower, be patient, learn to breathe evenly, buy waterproof birushas and white rubber slippers, suddenly on your life journey you will meet the Mermaid. The mermaid will sit on a pebble in the middle of a reservoir and comb her wonderful hair with a wonderful comb, even if she has a hedgehog on her head. And you should stick out with an enthusiastic idol on the shore in slippers, with a towel at the ready, not breathing, so that no circles on the water would interfere with the process. If you interrupt, the Mermaid will drown in a whirlpool of emotions, beat him to death with a comb and drag him to the bottom to build a crystal palace under the snag.
The nature is complex, mysterious, emotional, rushing from one extreme to the other, either sits in a lake, then climbs into a bottle on an oak tree, then sings sweetly, then yells a fire siren, or an angel, or hell knows what. Out of love for you, she is able to give her voice to the witch, and then she will turn you into a foam of the sea, because this is so changeable and impulsive. She is excusable, she has an internal conflict between the sublime and the base: the top wants to carry their unearthly beauty to people, and the bottom of the tail has low self-esteem.
The mermaid is independent, rebellious, wayward, escapes from any nets, you can manipulate evil spirits, but carefully, in hedgehog velor mittens. More pressure on pity, the Mermaid is somewhere very deep in the soul of kindness and responsive.
DARK ONE-EYE – Sagittarius – (November 23 – December 21)
In fact, Dashing Two-Eyed, but if you wake up when you haven’t slept, it will famously begin your shooting. Wickedness will grab a bow, arrows, a pillow that turns up under the arm, carefully takes aim, squinting an eye … she does everything carefully and accurately … You will remember this beautiful one-eyed face for a short life, leaving a warning to posterity: DO NOT WAKE UP! It was about the child, famously said: “Seven nannies have a child without an eye.” It grew, nannies came under dashing natural selection, but restlessness, cheerfulness and energy over the edge of evil spirits preserved, however, like eyelessness.
Dashingly – a complete idealist and incurable romantic, believes in a brighter future, in love at first sight, in friendship from the second, in divorce and maiden name from the third. Stepping on the same rake, stubbornly closes his eyes to human vices scattering utensils everywhere, so he proudly goes through life with a black eye and scars on his heart wounded by a rake. If you are burning with the desire to learn the whole truth about yourself, without fear of an arrow in the ass, pillows on the ears, onions in the eye, go to Leah and take an interest.
KASCHA IMMORTAL – Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
The nature is solid, stubborn, ambitious, fireproof, waterproof, bulletproof and very strong-willed. It is about him that they gently say about him “drawn — you will erase the fig, goat”, and severely – “the salt of the Earth” in his eyes, which is true, not sugar. The only evil spirits not inclined to fullness, but do not risk calling it a walking soup set, it forgives insults if only you, a young eagle, are sitting in a dungeon damp and rumbling with your last breath in chains.
The leader and strategist takes full responsibility for the gold mined in the fight, over which he voluntarily withers. He values material values “just like that” in a chest, and not for comfort. You can always cry to him in the tibia, he is a pessimist, he will sympathize with your grief, radiculitis and a lot of problems with his teeth so that you will immediately understand that it will be worse. Jealous, but restrained, the problem of his headache resolves radically – your guillotine.
He loves solitude with Vasilisa the Beautiful in the kitchen and with a dozen Ivanov-Tsarevichs in the dungeon, because to grumble, philosophize, wit and appreciate everything beautiful in a pleasant company is more fun. A maniac and a gambler in everything, extremely patient, can wait and catch forever, he has time. Prefers to wear a casual suit of soft, meek, white, fluffy, do not be fooled, the bunny suit hides a duck, an egg, an iron character.
Nightingale the Robber – Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Lazy, friendly, irresponsible evil, prefers to sit on the branches and constantly whistle to you. The nature is airy, flutters through life, pours water into its mill, successfully spinning the wheel of fortune. He knows very well what, to whom and when to whistle a dashing, youthful whistle so that the victim’s ears are laid, she lost orientation in space, gave up her horse, dropped her weapon and blew in different directions. Most often, the Nightingale the Robber chooses the creative professions of a feather and an ax.
Uncleanness is charming to trembling knees, optimistic, outgoing, nightingale, therefore you are tormented by vague doubts, maybe it’s not a robber from the high road, but Robin Hood, who refused home comfort to give free rein and freedom to an unsuspecting traveler. Nightingale the Robber is inquisitive and compassionate, carefully checks to see how far you have been blown away by the wind, how many arms and legs you have broken, how much edible and unfinished you have in your bag.
Evil is generously gifted from nature, but does not manage to develop numerous talents, everything goes into a whistle. Creative, but in an eternal search, easily builds castles in the air, and easily destroys them in front of an amazed audience.
WATERFISH – Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
If you have sat in a deep puddle, you are rapidly sucked in, you begin to perish and gurgle indignantly, but suddenly something pale, green, decisive appears that pulls you like a hippo, praising a patriotically native puddle, do not hesitate to see you Water.
He loves his swamp so much that he prefers not to get out of it. True at heart Water – Big Golden fish, dreams of the seas and corals, dangerous adventures and fulfill any reasonable desires, from the trough to the pillar nobility. Incorrigible by difficult living conditions, a romantic, believes in red sails, has a vivid imagination of an oyster and the intellectual potential of a dolphin.
The water man is modest, sociable, shy, nervous when they do not understand his lofty impulses to help his neighbor stay afloat, resentful and hide for a long time under the snag. The evil spirits are delicate and vulnerable, but not a single creature appreciates this in the swamp. Do not go with evil intentions past the reservoirs; it’s dangerous for a pure soul of a Vodian to act with dirty thoughts on his nerves. However, Vodianny prefers to avoid collisions, to flow around obstacles, rather than fight them. He always swims in the depths and looks at the root, they eagerly reach for Vodyanyi for advice, sometimes they drown in them.