We’re constantly fascinated by what our zodiac sign says about our love lives, whether it’s which signs are most compatible, the best sex positions for each sign, or how each sign handles conflict in relationships. That’s why Bustle has enlisted Mecca Woods, a New York City-based Astrologer to tell us all about how astrology is affecting our love lives each week. This week’s topic: mistakes Scorpio women make.
I consider myself to be a ‘Scorpio Whisperer.’ Now I recognize that this statement may come off a little arrogant, but understand that my Scorpio stripes have been hard won. You see, not only do I have a ton of Scorpio and Scorpio-influenced people in my life as friends, family, and colleagues but I’ve dated one too. Through my steady research, I get why Scorpios have been named the most misunderstood sign in the zodiac. I mean, as the sign associated with sex, death, and transformation; all the scary underworld stuff most of us are taught to run away from, it’s not hard to see why.

Reams and reams of paper and blank space have been dedicated to understanding the Scorpio psyche. This is especially true when it comes to knowing the Scorpio woman. Couple feminine allure with secretive Scorpio and you have a total enigma. Yet, despite the espionage and intrigue, I can tell you straight up that there’s two major things that Scorpios are concerned with: intimacy and power. Notice I didn’t say sex, as sex is a form of intimacy and it also can be used to leverage power. With Scorpios though, the line between the two can sometimes get muddled; causing meltdowns and misunderstandings galore. Here are a few ways to keep the lines free and clear in your relationships.

1. Taking Everything Personally

With an innate sixth sense, Scorpios can often can pick up on subtleties and cues that most people miss, putting them two steps ahead of everyone else. In relationships, this kind of sensitivity gives Scorpios the kind of emotional intelligence that can make them deeply intuitive and sensitive lovers. However, when taken to the extreme, this same show of sensitivity can be problematic when a Scorpio reads too far into what their partner’s actions in order to keep the upper hand. The end result of this approach leaves both parties feeling attacked. The remedy? Ask for clarification when necessary, recognize that you can’t control what another person does (even if you really, really want to), and determine if what’s bothering you about your lover’s actions stems from an old hurt or a new one. As many times, hypersensitivity stems from a fear of getting hurt in a way that has happened before.

2. Refusing To Let Go

It’s always said that when a Scorpio loves, they love forever. Scorpios tend to have an unwavering, through thick and thin kind of approach to romance. This is why so many potentials clamor for a Scorpio woman’s heart. They know that having an iron-clad, us against the world kind of love is something true and rare. However, that loyalty and sticking power can work against the Scorpio woman when she finds herself holding on to a partner that’s all wrong for her out of a desire to cling to what’s familiar and safe. If you find yourself afraid to let such a person go, think about whether this person brings true value to your life or if they hold you back. If you find this person doing more harm than good, let them go for someone much better.

3. Little Or No Boundaries

As the zodiac sign most concerned with deep bonding and intimacy, Scorpios have a need to full meld with their beloved. Losing track of where you begin and where your lover ends, is wonderful for creating a soulmate vibe in your relationship. Yet, this can also leave little room to establish healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries in a relationship creates a foundation of mutual respect between two parties, space for differences, and fosters communication. So, instead of expecting that your partner should automatically see/do everything in the way you do, remember 1) your partner is their own person and so are you, and 2) be clear about what makes you comfortable (or not). And should you find yourself with someone who is always consciously overstepping your boundaries, leave.

4. Your Heart or Sex With Strings Attached

Despite their reputation for being emotional and sensitive, Scorpio women have a special brand of tenacity, insight, drive, and charm that makes them some of the most powerful leaders, influencers, and trendsetters of their time. Yet when a Scorpio allows insecurity to get the best of her, having this kind of power can mean taking a “by any means necessary” approach to remain on top. In love, this can translate into the Scorpio woman using her magnetism to manipulate her lover into doing what she wants by offering sex, favors, or her heart with conditions out of a fear of losing power or security in the relationship. To avoid this, stop for a moment to consider the important role authenticity plays in a strong, healthy relationship and how much manipulation and power plays undermine it. Your partner should be able to trust you too.

5. Unfair Standards

By design, Scorpios are fiercely loyal toward and protective of those they love. Often fearlessly going to bat (and winning) for a loved one done wrong. The flipside to this is that Scorpios can also be possessive, believing that whomever they establish a bond with belongs to them for pretty much…forever. Sounds kind of Twillight-ish, but when it comes to sex and romance, problems arise when the possessive Scorpio believes that she can do whatever she wants (like lying, or spying, or cheating on a partner) while her mate must be on their absolute best behavior. To sidestep this pitfall, use your intuition and empathic powers to understand your mate’s perspective. A true soulmate connection isn’t one-sided.

6. Trust Scares You

As an all-or-nothing kind of sign, Scorpios want to lose total control with the person they love but at the same time Scorpios are deathly afraid of losing that control. This is because Scorpios are acutely aware of the cruelty human beings can inflict on each other when one person has too much power. As a very tender and feeling sign, you often hide behind a steely façade, making it next to impossible for others to get in. While your reservations about vulnerability can help to keep more unscrupulous people out of your life, being overly mistrusting might be causing you to miss out on a truly rewarding love. One way to avoid this is by checking for consistency in your lover’s (or potential lover’s) words and actions to make sure you’re both on the same page while having conversations that build the intimacy between you two.

7. The Floodgates Are Always Open

Emotional depth is one of the things that makes Scorpios so sexy. They have the ability to see into the soul and psyche of a person, while providing healing, comfort, and support to those that may be hurting or in pain. If there was ever a cure for a broken heart, a Scorpio would more than likely be it. Yet that emotional depth can be also be a dark and stormy area, especially if a Scorpio doesn’t have the right outlet to channel all those complex emotions. The end result? Drowning your lover in an endless deluge of moodiness; leaving your partner to feel like there’s always a crisis brewing. While you should never repress how you feel, the best way to address what you’re feeling is to identify what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and what you can to do to alleviate it. Hint: it’s not about laying blame. And if you find yourself really struggling with feelings like depression or anger, seek out a professional who can help.

8. Dwelling Too Much In The Past

As a Water sign, Scorpios are deeply affected and moved by the past; able to pull up vivid details from their steel-trap of a memory whenever the mood or nostalgia strikes. Word on the (astro) street is that if anyone craves a lover that remembers birthdays, anniversaries, and the age they were when they lost their first tooth, they should get a Scorpio. That’s how serious a Scorpio’s love is, they let nothing about you slip past them. However, this can be a bit of a double edged sword, when a Scorpio gal brings up every single thing their sweetie has done to ever upset them, or the Scorpio woman who scares off potential suitors by allowing ghosts from relationships past to cloud her ability to open her heart. If any of this sounds like you, think about whether holding onto the past in this way fuels your love life or drains it. If it’s the latter, it may be time to let go.

9. Keeping Score

Contrary to popular belief, Scorpio women are very generous and giving. If a Scorpio lady likes someone, they can be awfully hard at hiding it; preferring to shower the object of their affection with attention, sex (yes!), and gifts. This warmheartedness coupled with her penchant for getting easily attached, also makes the Scorpio woman extremely fearful of being taken advantage of by someone she adores. If left unchecked, this fear can lead her to keeping score or establishing a tit for tat kind of dynamic in the relationship. (i.e. “I’ve done something for you, now you must do something for me, or else.”). If keeping score in a relationship is a habit for you, then it may time to determine if the person you’re involved with is your mate or an opponent; as love shouldn’t be a war. Though, if you find yourself dating those who take more than they give, then it’s time to shake up your dating pool.

10. Going To The Extreme

Driven by the planets Mars (the Roman god of war) and Pluto (the Roman god of the underworld), life or death experiences are relatively common for Scorpios. Just about every Scorpio woman alive has the innate need to push and test limits as means of measuring their own success and strength. However, when it comes to relationships, too much of an all or nothing approach can be problematic for the Scorpio gal when she allows herself to be continuously drawn into emotionally charged and dysfunctional love affairs riddled with super highs and super, super lows. A healthy relationship does not (and should not) be an emotional roller coaster in order for it feel satisfying or fated.

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