One week after my partner made an application and I said yes, I received a message on Facebook from a woman I did not know. The message started with the following words:
“You probably do not know me, but I’ve been sleeping with your fiancé in the last few months.”
I received this message late at night and this was the worst time to receive such a message.
The next day I spent looking at wedding dresses and choosing the perfect rings. I kept responding to the news of people who congratulated us on the engagement.
Over the next few months and years, I found out that my partner had multiple affairs with different women, of whom a girl was only 17 years old.
All these women assumed that my partner was with them.
I do not want anyone to experience what a feeling it is when your partner is unfaithful. But I wish that all women have the courage to recognize unfaithful men, regardless of the circumstances.
Every relationship is different and infidelity comes in different forms. The following signs may not indicate that he is cheating on you, but if you look at them as a whole, they can warn you against infidelity. You must recognize these signs and, if necessary, leave your partner.
1. He spends more time on his cell phone than with you
Affairs require communication. Otherwise they will suffocate. Even if this communication involves only a few messages or calls, no affair can exist without words.
A cheating partner often hides his cell phone to make sure he is not caught talking to the wrong person. This may mean that he will not reveal the password for his email address or social networks.
In most cases, scammers will always have their cell phone near them.
My ex always took his phone to the bathroom and would spend a very long time in it. He always kept it away from me and never wanted to share the password with me.
Scammers have the habit of exchanging messages with another woman at night or even when they are in bed next to their girlfriend. If your partner hides his cell phone from you or refuses to admit who he’s writing to, then you have to take that as a clear sign of fraud.
Because in healthy relationships, the partners have no secrets from each other and they can talk openly about anything.
Loyal partners respect each other’s privacy but have no problem talking about communicating with friends, family or colleagues.
2. He avoids an honest conversation with you
Dodging certain situations is the main weapon of a cheater. If your partner avoids direct questions about infidelity or other romantic relationships, be careful.
Dodge is an important thing for him. For an experienced fraudster knows that the simplest way to hide an affair is simply not admitting it.
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Lying is tricky, because it is well known that lies have short legs. The fact is that successful affairs are not based on lies, but depend on silence.
Your partner can also avoid the conversation where he was at a particular time, with whom he spoke and what he did.
Such behavior is difficult to justify, especially when you know that communication is the key to a good relationship.
3. Allegations of infidelity lead to disputes
If you have accused your partner of cheating on you and arguing about it a few seconds later, then this could be good evidence you are looking for.
A partner who cheats and is suspected of being caught always tries to defend himself aggressively.
Like a narcissist, he can try to distract you with a fight that often leads to guilt. A cheater might say something like, “Do you really think I’m cheating on you? Again this topic. You do not trust me. All you do is blame me for what I did not do. “
Such behavior focuses on what you did wrong and not on what the cheater did.
A truly responsible, loyal partner will listen to your words, clarify what needs to be clarified, and take steps to win your trust.
And he will be considerate and communicative throughout the process.
4. He looks after other women
When you realize that your partner does not pay much attention to you when you are outside, try to find out what is so much in demand. If he looks after other women, then you have to be careful.
Whenever we were in public, my ex ate other women with his looks. He would even turn to them. When I approached him in public while talking to another woman, he pretended not to notice me.
Therefore, pay attention to such a behavior. If your partner behaves that way, he may not have cheated on you yet, but is not far off.
5. He is mysterious
In healthy relationships, both partners feel free to pursue individual passions and interests. They combine independence with intimacy.
An unfaithful partner can also have a similar respect for your personal time. But he probably will not want to talk about how he spends his free time.
If your partner is secretive about what he does in the evenings or on weekends, then this could indicate unfaithfulness.
My ex-boyfriend would come home drunk at midnight or 2 am and say he was at work.
Every time I asked for an explanation, he ignored me or rejected my questions.
Loyal partners declare and communicate while unfaithful ones do not.
6. Your relationship has depths and heights
Infidelity is often a cycle of guilt and pleasure. Scammers will necessarily involve this cycle in their relationships.
As a result, you may experience great romantic heights when your partner suddenly becomes an amazing lover (forced by feelings of guilt or the need to hide).
He can surprise you with a very romantic dinner or spontaneously book a trip to Italy.
It can also happen that your partner feels distanced or disinterested and therefore acts rude to you.
These ups and downs may not prove an affair, but could be a sign of an abusive or unhealthy relationship.
7. You suspect that he is cheating on you
If you’ve never been cheated and you suspect your partner is doing it, then maybe it’s time to have an open conversation with him. Because you should always listen to your gut feeling. Trust your intuition.
You always have to remember that an affair does not mean the end of the relationship or even the divorce.
Some social scientists have found that affairs can be very important in creating a strong love.
What infidelity generally means is that a partner seeks something. This something may not be sex and maybe it has nothing to do with you or your needs.
In my case, my partner’s multiple affairs have been a symptom of his pathological narcissism, emotional abuse, and sex addiction. These things had nothing to do with me. Other people look for affairs when they have to deal with a loss, illness or recovery from a past trauma.
Anyway, take a deep breath. It probably has nothing to do with you. If you know your partner is cheating on you, try to look at it in real terms.
Then talk to him if you want. Tell him what you have a problem with and then make a decision that puts you first.