Ten stupid mistakes that women make to ruin their lives. American psychologist Laura Schlesinger has her own radio program. They call her to ask for advice, ask a question about love, or just sob into the phone.After analyzing the complaints of these women, who are forced to seek advice from the radio, Laura decided to write down her impressions and thoughts in the book. So there appeared ” Ten stupid mistakes that women make to ruin their lives .”
Do not look at yourself through the prism of men
First mistake. Stupid affection.
Sadly, the success of any woman is still evaluated by such a factor as “does she have anyone.” Of a different sex, of course. And the poor things consider themselves and their role in life only through the prism of relations with a man. And what kind of man it is often does not matter. How wrong this is! And how wrong those who live with an alcoholic, tyrant, jealous, walking reproach, drug addict who betray, lie, behave arrogantly or indifferently. How often do women in fear that later they will not be able to find anyone else, marry the first comer, proving to society their worthiness.
Tip . No, this is not full value. Those who were supposedly “unlucky” with their husband or in love themselves had a hand in this. Therefore, increase self-esteem and do not humiliate yourself with unworthy relationships and marriages. We must learn from men to be courageous, persistent and self-confident.
We are not Cinderella
The second mistake. Stupid courtship.
Millions of Cinderellas all over the world are sadly looking at the dirty windows of their closets, but the prince is still there and not … But what a pretty, grimy gardener is writhing stumps in a neighboring garden!
- If you do not have enough confirmation of the correctness of your behavior.
- If you tend to say “ thank you ” to anyone who pays attention to you.
- If you are satisfied with what you are offered, and do not choose what suits you personally.
- If, when meeting with a man, you are ready to shout to yourself: “ Hooray, I am no longer alone !” – you are most likely making the wrong choice.
Connecting with a person only in order to get rid of loneliness is an escape from reality. The question is not that a woman expects too much from her chosen one, but that she expects nothing from herself.
Do not think that men are so emotionally stupid that they cannot notice the difference between the situation when you need them and when you are just desperately trying to get in touch with someone. And do not be surprised that after that they begin to think that they were used, turned into a bandage for a wound, a vest for tears or a lightning rod for tantrums. Men come to our life to share it with us, and not replace it with themselves.
Tip . Choose who you want to meet with yourself and don’t wait until you are elected. Do not settle for the fact that you yourself were lying in your path of life. Experience the inevitable period of loneliness in this case, occupying your mind and heart – think up a hobby for yourself, meet with friends – until you get a decent one.
Don’t kiss the toad
If a woman repeats “I love him!” At every corner, she usually lies to others. And myself, of course, too. These women do not want to admit that they were in a situation of obvious defeat. Often they gratefully (!) Endure such behavior or attitude towards themselves that no man could bear even five minutes.
Strange, but for many women, love is something that goes beyond the bounds of the rational (fairy tales impose on us such a model of behavior where beauties fall in love with a monster and, pinching their nose, look for fleas in its running hair).
Have you paid attention to the disgusting double standards of society? Women agree not to notice balding heads, bellies round with beer, plaid shirts with a tie with polka dots … But any man, sharing his impression of a new acquaintance, will tell his friend: “She herself is nothing, but her legs are thick.” Why do we put up with this and don’t make a choice ourselves, don’t take men seriously, call everything love? Because they never gained self-confidence.
- I will never find anyone else who would put up with me.
- I do not want to be alone.
- This is better than nothing.
- This is better than it was.
- I am already 19 (29, 39, 49, 59).
- I doubt that I will find better.
- Sometimes it’s not so bad.
- In any case, nothing else remains for me.
- I feel that he needs him.
- I am frightened by a collision with the unknown.
- Everything is not as bad as it seems to others.
- It is difficult to find someone with whom it will be easy and joyful.
Tip . Remember that if you kiss a toad, it does not necessarily turn into a prince. There will be a disgusting taste in the mouth, nasty memories in the head. Do not mix feelings associated with good relationships, your fantasies, book promises, sex – with love. Feelings distort reality; use your mind when evaluating your men. But true love will not exist until you learn to love yourself. Act! You deserve the best.
You can’t talk about it
The fourth mistake. Stupid passion.
Obviously, men and women have different attitudes towards sex. Women perceive it too romantically, believe that “simple movements” impose some obligations on men, believe that they sacrifice themselves and often require reciprocal victims.
In all that relates to this aspect of the relationship, it is better to procrastinate than to rush. Let the “apple ripen”, have time to evaluate the consequences of your step. Intimacy and sexual intimacy are too different things. Intimacy is when you can talk to your friend about everything. Therefore, never do something that you can’t talk about with him later.
Tip . No matter how old you are, sex cannot be a measure of your value and the value of your relationship with a man. Hasty sex leads to the fact that you will reproach yourself even more, will come to even greater despair and a feeling of terrifying loneliness.
The cat is still sitting in the bag
The fifth mistake. Stupid cohabitation.
A hundred times each of us heard the opinion that “it would be nice to live together before the wedding to get to know each other better”, and not to get a pig in a poke as a result of an official marriage. However, the “cat” is still there. According to statistics, the frequency of divorces among those who lived together before the wedding, compared with those who immediately went down the aisle, is much higher!
The whole point is why a woman agrees to cohabitation outside of marriage. This is a kind of surrender: a man is afraid of “official” responsibility, and she decides to meet him. A woman settles with him not in order to find out what he really is, but in order to gain stability in relations, to keep him.
When he thinks: “I need to see if I’ll be well all the time, day after day,” she says: “You have to be very careful that he feels good day after day.” It is clear that such an attitude will not work for years, because both ideas are utopia.
Tip . To make a man respect himself, never lower the bar of your requirements. If he cannot rise to the level you need, it is better to part with him.
What did you get yourself into?
Sixth error. Stupid expectations.
Think for yourself whether you succumb well to re-education in your … twenty some year. That’s the way he is. When planning to get married, do not hope that he will become different only under your precious influence. Instead of the thought “I can fix it”, you should own “What am I pulling myself into?”
It often happens that the qualities that so attracted you to the groom become disgusting then. The secret of this lies in the fact that we unconsciously look for the features of our father in the chosen one, we want to relive the traumatic events from the past in a new way or to protect ourselves from the insults inflicted on us once. And the chosen one is still different! And then you start to hate him. Although you really hate yourself.
Tip . If you were married to protect yourself from childhood grievances, end it as soon as possible. Replaying the past is impossible. If you are married and hate your husband, first look inside you to find the source of hatred. But you will not find the reasons for your suffering, and you will marry, hate and assume that all men are flawed.
Use your body correctly
Seventh error. Stupid idea.
Not love. Not “the very moment of life.” Not “everyone expects this from me.” Not a proof “and I can do that either.” Not “I’ll make him marry me.” Not “but what remains for me” … And nothing else can be the reason to have a baby. But just this: you have an interest, abilities and means in order to give your child everything you need: love, protection, material wealth.
None of your needs matter. Only the needs of the child are important. After all, he will have to pay for all your problems and mistakes. Home is always a woman. Of course, there is responsibility on a man, but your body belongs only to you!
Tip . Think carefully about when and from whom you should become pregnant.
Do not let offend children
Eighth mistake. Accompanying nonsense.
It is terrible when women act contrary to maternal instinct. Even in the wild, there is no creature fiercer than a female protecting her cubs. But for people … It happens that women allow their children to be beaten, give them up to others to raise (just so that the husband does not run away). And one couple even sold their “untimely” child to start a business.
Tip . Remember that children will not forgive you if you have not protected them. Do not let anyone harm your children or sacrifice your little ones for the sake of a man’s happiness or imaginary affection.
Don’t be afraid to stomp your feet
The ninth mistake. Stupid helplessness.
Little girls often get angry if something goes wrong they want. But where does this anger disappear when they grow up? Women are offended, cry, suffer, become depressed only because they are afraid to show anger, afraid to offend and anger others.
Depression is nothing more than a passive experience of the situation, while an active, short-term outburst of anger could well solve the problem and establish the boundaries that your offender does not have the right to cross.
Stop driving your anger deep inside yourself (it’s proven, by the way, that it causes illness).
Tip . There are painful moments in life, and overcoming this pain is the price you have to pay to develop character. You, like any person, have the privilege, the right and the opportunity to be a person. This does not mean that you have to bump into others by banging your hooves; this means that you need to include yourself in the equation, but not as a remainder of an integer, not as a by-product of calculus! Do not stay with those who abuse you.
Your swamp is no better
The tenth mistake. Stupid forgiveness.
Women are the most patient creatures in the world. They can invent a million excuses, just not to break off relations with their unworthy man. How often do we think that a familiar swamp is still better than a swamp that you know nothing about. We repeat to ourselves: “If I leave, I will become miserable.” Yes, maybe this is so. But at least you will have the opportunity to build your happiness, which you are deprived of with “your swamp”.
Tip . Do not live by the principle of “How can I change this without touching it?” Look inside yourself – there, inside you must find courage, independence and initiative. Be realistic! You always have a choice!
The mystery of female charm
It is known that women laugh much more than men. Especially in mixed companies. It seems that men prefer to laugh than laugh themselves, and this asymmetry has been observed since childhood. Remember who in your class was the number one jester – probably a boy. But is the difference between male and female laughter an essential factor in creating a harmonious union?
German psychologists observed the reaction of women in conversation with strangers, and then interviewed both of them. It turns out that the more a woman laughs, the more interest she feels for the interlocutor. Yes, and men laugh more pleasantly. The indicator of healthy, harmonious relationships in a couple is female, not male laughter. Men may laugh or not laugh, but if the family does not sound like a woman laugh, it’s bad.