I cannot imagine someone smiling at their phone when they see my name pop onto the screen.
I cannot imagine someone feeling butterflies swirl in their stomach and their heartbeat rise to their throat when I walk into a room.
I cannot imagine someone stumbling over their words and fidgeting with their sleeves because they are talking to me.
I cannot imagine someone’s pulse speeding up when they see one of my selfies on social media.
I cannot imagine someone falling asleep with my name on their lips and waking up with my face on their mind.
I cannot imagine someone telling their friends about how cute I am, how much fun I am, how they hope that I feel the same way.
I cannot imagine someone missing me when I’m not around. Wishing that I was there to kiss and cuddle and squeeze. Counting down the seconds until they see my smile again.
I cannot imagine someone looking at me like I am their entire world. Looking at me like I am the single greatest thing to ever happen to them. Looking at me like I am actually worth something when I feel like nothing.
I cannot imagine someone loving me after seeing the real me. I cannot imagine someone seeing my inner worth when I struggle to see it myself. I cannot imagine someone being attracted to the parts of me that I have always wished I could change.
I cannot imagine someone being happy with me when I’m such a mess inside and out. When I have so many flaws that I need to work on fixing. When I have no idea what I’m doing in life, let alone in love.
I cannot imagine someone deciding to stay with me forever when there are so many other beautiful, intelligent, strong women in this world. When there are better people out there. People who will give them everything they need.
I cannot imagine someone loving me as deeply as I love them. Someone putting in as much effort as I put into the relationship. Someone treating me the way that I deserve when so many other people have treated me like shit in the past.
I cannot imagine someone sticking with me, even on my worst days. Days when my emotions run high and I overreact over something insignificant. Days when I am cranky and bitchy and don’t even bother to do my hair. Days when they could easily say goodbye instead of dealing with my shit for any longer.
I cannot imagine being in a relationship where I am never worried about whether the other person is going to cheat or lie or leave me behind. Where I am completely comfortable and my trust issues are no longer an issue. Where I am positive that we are going to stay together forever, no doubt in my mind.
I cannot imagine any of these things happening to someone like me — but I am never going to stop looking for them.