• July 24, 2019

Giving up Self-Righteousness to Support Your Relationship

 

Constant conflict in Relationships often occur because each person is too stuck in their point of view. A solution to this is to be more aware of the importance you have on being “right.”

A couple’s ability to give up their self-righteousness defines a relationship. Every relationship has disagreements and arguments, but while in an argument to be stuck in your point of view, or the need to prove that you are right is unsupportive of a healthy relationship. This causes a separation in the security of a loving relationship. Having compassion for your partner, even if you don’t agree with their side and finding compromise enforces the security felt by both.

Those who spend their time building evidence as to why they are right, to prove themselves in disagreements, big or small, wonder why their relationships never have harmony and why they so often feel alone even when they are in a relationship.

Once the couple realizes the important lesson in moving off their individual position to support their security together, they realize the higher value of their disagreements. Outside of abuse, the stronger person supports the relationship by recognizing wrongdoing, forgives, is okay to apologize, and has less importance on being “right” in a disagreement. The focus is on feeling security in the relationship by offering it to their partner. The weaker position is that from a person who wishes to hold on to the negative feeling, proving why they deserve acknowledgement for being right. Those choosing to hold onto their self-righteousness will always find it difficult to hold on to healthy, happy relationships.

 

In an effort to create more harmony in your relationship, have awareness to see where you have a need to be right, as opposed to being open to your partner’s ideas or emotions. Saying things such as, “I don’t want to fight, but…” are ways fights start because this person just wants to be right about something without hearing any other point of view.

It is also important to note that each person in a relationship should be expressed. There are important lessons in how to express yourself that does not accuse your partner or threaten them, and have them feel appreciated as well as gain respect for you in the process. The communication techniques in my book, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships,” are specifically designed for this. The goal is to ensure both parties have the opportunity to express themselves, are heard, and feel respect and appreciation in the process.

Within the personality types in my book, those who fall within the unhealthy subcategories typically have the characteristic of being close-minded and stuck in their point of view. Part of what makes them so difficult to be around is that they will go to great lengths to always be right. They often spend so much time and energy trying to keep up a certain image that they will sacrifice the happiness in their relationship in order to maintain an image of themselves they think appears as perfect.

Letting go of a need to be right has nothing to do with either person being “wrong.” There are often times when both partners are right in their own point of view. This is the definition of our work in relationships. It’s called compromise and compassion and relationships evolve and grow as they put more importance on this rather than their individual points of view.

Finding compromise and compassion and getting away from being “right, ”during the most difficult challenges can be correlated to the amount of love in the relationship. This occurs because if the couple is together just because their partner seems better than their other options, or if true love does not exist, than it is more difficult to find compassion and compromising for the other. Many times, it is only love that allows people to move away from self-righteousness and off their position. This is why the ability of both parties to give up their self-righteousness defines a relationship.

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