Everybody feels confused now and then in a relationship. Sometimes such feelings are understandable, for example, if your partner still has a picture of his ex in his room even after years of separation. Or when you realize that your partner has lied to you about several things.
However, these feelings of insecurity are different in normal people than in those who have a chronically low self-esteem. Their insecurities are often deeply rooted and are the result of rejection from family members or colleagues.
But this type of person is not always easy to recognize. Apart from just looking at their family history, you can also look at some of the following signs and see if that person has low self esteem:
– She might try to push what she lacks too much into the foreground. For example, a man could post photos of himself with many women on Facebook. This should compensate for uncertainties about his masculinity or unpopularity in women.
– This person could also try to demand constant comfort and safety from other people. For example, she constantly reports on the social media about how sad she feels. She underestimates herself over and over again by posting inappropriate pictures and seeking support from other people.
– Many people with low self-esteem also admire those who have control over life and can manipulate others, because that’s what they’re missing. For example, they could be fans of Nazism or admire unscrupulous businessmen who would harm others to achieve their goals.
Here are five reasons why you should avoid going out with this type of man:
1. He does not really love you
I do not trust people who do not love themselves and then say, “I love you.” There is an African proverb that says: Be careful when a naked person offers you her shirt.
No matter what this man says, he does not really mean it that way. Because he loves what you represent and can give him. A better future, a higher status in society, a trophy he can show his friends, or just someone who will ensure his self-esteem and attractiveness.
2. His idealism is dangerous
At the beginning of the relationship he will see you as a solution to all his sadness and misery. This can make you feel flattered first. But in reality, you are a person with needs and your own character and not an object of perfection in your imagination.
After some time, you will start to have expectations and that’s why you’re always arguing. Because of his chronic dissatisfaction and his unrealistic expectations, he will begin to dislike you and to discover more and more defects in you.
Some of these men never come out of this phase of idealism. Again and again, they neglect their close friends, parents and lovers and lose them forever. They admire only those who hardly know them or who have just entered their lives, because these people are idealized.
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These men are often naturally attracted to fiction, be it through games, books or dramas. They live in a fantasy world that is better than their real life. This unhealthy idealism and fantasies can spread to their real life.
For example, they can lie to other people and to themselves, how good they are. If you ask them something, they may get angry because you do not trust them, or worse, they can blame you for letting them lie.
3. He tends to be very poor at dealing with conflicts
Any relationship expert will tell you that conflict resolution is the key to the long-term success of most relationships.
However, most of these men with chronic low self-esteem have no success in lasting friendships and are unable to learn how to deal with conflicts.
Therefore, when they enter into a relationship, they behave badly and become aggressive, passive-aggressive or avoid conflicts. Some may even become very repellent, making it difficult for you to solve problems with them.
4. Men with low self-esteem can be irritating
Many of these men feel rejected by other people and have never experienced true love. As such, their self-esteem does not come from within, and they tend to seek outside acknowledgment.
If they are good at something, then they base their self-esteem on this one thing.
These men may also appreciate other people because of these factors because they like to believe that this is what everyone else should value.
This can cause them to be irritatingly critical of everyone else. For example, it could be intellectual snobs that despise anyone who does not fit into their narrow definition of intellect. Of course, this definition is often tailored to their personal strengths.
5. He does not help you
You probably felt attracted to him at the beginning of the relationship because you thought that you could be his savior and a light in his life of darkness or mediocrity. He made you feel special, telling you that you are the only person you could rely on to try to keep things under control. You wanted to enter his life and make up all the damage from his childhood.
But you have to realize that you can not change people. Many of these childhood problems are complicated, difficult for anyone to understand and solve, no matter how smart you are. Their wounds were created when they were young and vulnerable and therefore they are difficult to repair.
Only you can help yourself.
If most people around you do not want them to be close friends or lovers, it probably means they are bad people. Those who once were close to her may have realized that this person caused more harm than good in their lives.
It is not your responsibility to help the man who is constantly hurting you. This does not mean that you are selfish, but you have to learn to love yourself and take care of your own interests.