My husband and I have been together for almost nine years now. That’s almost a third of my life! Although we’re still madly in love we do have our moments. In particular, when I was in college I was so wrapped up in my own studies, work and our daughter, that my marriage was quickly falling apart and I didn’t even notice! My husband, who was also busy with work, did notice and he felt as if I just didn’t care about him anymore.
He had valid reason to think so. I spent so much time studying and trying to juggle everything else that I really didn’t give him the attention, love and care that he deserved. Eventually, that led to fights and arguments until I understood why he was so mad. I promised myself to make him feel important again, because he is, and we’re doing better than ever.
Sometimes when you’re married for a long time other things take priority over your husband. With kids, work, friends, household chores and responsibilities, along with your own hobbies and interests, your relationship will occasionally fall to the wayside as you spend time doing other things. It happens and that’s okay, but if you’re not careful, you and your husband may begin to drift apart.
There will be days, sometimes weeks, where you’re too busy to go out or even spend quality time together at home. That’s normal, but a prolonged emotional distance and time spent apart can cause some serious relationship damage.
It’s crucial to make your loved one feel important on a daily basis if you want your relationship to last. And they should make you feel important, too. Although it can be very easy to make someone feel loved and important, it can also be something that’s forgotten if you don’t put any effort in at all – a difficult lesson I had to learn.
1. Ask him about his day.
After so many years with someone, asking about their day can seem trivial. I mean, don’t we already know what they do for work and yadda-yadda? That might so, but taking the time to ask him about his day shows you care and that you’re thinking about him.
My husband and I make it a priority to ask one another about our days. Not only do we ask, we actually listen and show interest, and that is key! You have to actually pay attention! And because it’s something you can do every day over dinner it’s easy to actually remember to do it.
2. Talk about him.
It’s been proven that a person’s favorite topic to talk about is themselves, so why not let him? Let him talk about his day, his hobbies, his friends and favorite things. Then ask him questions about those things and keep him talking! He’ll love it and think to himself that his wife really cares.
3. Show genuine interest in his passions.
It’s great when you and your husband have similar interests; it gives you something to talk about and activities to do together. For example, my husband and I enjoy thrift shopping, going to concerts and browsing art galleries. However, he still has hobbies and interests that I don’t share with him and vice versa. He enjoys playing darts, watching documentaries and has a deep love for all things (including the lifestyle) from the mid-century. And I enjoy spending time outdoors, creating art and playing board games.
Although my husband would rather grab a pint at the pub and shoot some pool over hiking, he still joins me now and again for a walk in the woods, and I’ll join him for a drink. More importantly, I’ll ask him questions about things he enjoys and actually listen. (Remember when I said people like to talk about themselves?)
Even if you don’t necessarily care for his passions and hobbies, you should at least show some interest. Nothing makes someone feel more important than when you want to talk about them and the things they enjoy. And who knows? Maybe you’ll actually find a new hobby or passion in the process. I know I have.
4. Don’t criticize or complain.
No matter who someone is, it’s quite possible they will do things we don’t like. Little quirks and habits are things that all couples have to deal with over the years, but at some point there will be something that comes up that you just can’t stand. No matter what that is, how you handle it is the important part.
The first thing to do is to try and understand him and his point of view. If it’s something that you need to talk about it, go ahead and talk about it, but instead of criticizing and complaining make sure to be understanding and forgiving.
5. Let him vent.
Everyone has a bad day now and then, and he will, too. It can frustrating to listen to someone vent their problems but if you want him to feel important you should take the time to listen. Not only that, but try not to invalidate his feelings or even try to solve his problems. Truth is, he just wants someone to listen to him.
6. Show your appreciation.
Did you know people like to feel appreciated? Of course. They like to feel valued, cared about, needed, wanted and loved. One way to show your husband that you feel all of these things is to take note of his good qualities and give him sincere appreciation.
Is he a good cook? Does he always brush the snow off your car in the winter? Or maybe he likes to surprise you with flowers? Don’t let the little things go unnoticed!
Showing your appreciation can be done in a number of ways. It can be shown with a hug, in a written note, or a simple kind gesture, but of course, a simple thank you will always do.
7. Show gratitude.
Whenever you find yourself becoming frustrated with your husband try to write out a list of all the things about him that you’re grateful for. This list can include whatever you want on it and it will help remind you of all the reasons you love him. Then, from time to time, let him know about the things that you’re grateful for.
Does he cook you dinner most nights? Be grateful! Is he a great listener? Be grateful. Does he make you feel special? Be grateful! And don’t just write it down, let him know that you are grateful for him. You may think that he already knows, but even still he actually might need to hear the words or be shown, and it will mean the world to him.
8. Be affectionate.
In a newer relationship affection seems to be something that just happens naturally. New couples can’t seem to stop touching each other, whether it’s holding hands or something more. Unfortunately in most cases as the relationship develops couples often stop being as affectionate as when they first started dating.
In my own experience, one of the quickest ways to kill a relationship is to neglect each other physically. Being affectionate with one another will make both of you feel more comfortable and connected, but without it, you may feel distant and cold and not even know why.
There are a lot of different ways to show affection, and it’s not just about sex. It can be as simple as a good morning kiss, holding hands while walking down the street, or even sitting next to one another on the couch. Not to mention, there’s also cuddling, spooning in bed, massaging one another, and joking around.
In order to keep your love and passion alive, and make one another feel important, remember to show your affection regularly!
9. Respect each others opinions.
Most of the couples I know share a lot of the same values and opinions. Still, there are things that two people just won’t agree on. It might be something as small as agreeing what the best restaurant is, or even something more serious like who to vote for. Chances are though, that it won’t be a complete deal breaker.
When you don’t agree with something, the best thing to do is agree to disagree. Fighting about it usually won’t change the other persons opinion, it will only make the both of you angry. You can, however, discuss it as long as you respect the other persons opinion, keep an open-mind, be honest and in the end, remember that you are both entitled to your own thoughts and opinions. By showing you respect his opinion, you make him feel important.
10. Accept his family.
There are a lot of jokes in TV sit-coms and in life about parent-in-laws, and that’s because people can relate! Sometimes your husband’s parents might just infuriate you and your parents might just infuriate him. Still, as his wife, you should really do your best to accept his parents and he yours.
It’s important that you try your best to get along, accept them and be respectful. I’m not saying that you have to like them, but you do have to tolerate them if you want your husband to feel important. So the next time the in-laws are getting on your nerves, keep your mouth shut.
11. Celebrate his successes.
No matter how big or small that success is, celebrating it with him will make him feel important. Got promoted at work? Celebrate! Passed a test? Celebrate! Won a game? Celebrate!
Nothing says you are important to me like a big ol’ cake to celebrate a success. Unless, of course, he prefers beer.
12. Give generously.
How amazing does it feel to receive something, whether it’s someone’s time or a gift? It makes you feel pretty damn important! If you want to make your husband feel important, try giving generously.
I’m not saying you have to go out and buy him a new sports car for his birthday (which would be awesome) but you should try to do nice things for him on the regular.
13. Open up about yourself.
Finally, open up to your husband; open your heart and your mind, and share yourself with him completely. A marriage is different from other relationships and one thing that makes it different is the openness that is shared between the two of you.
There are a lot of different ways to make that special man in your life feel important, but you have to remember to actually do it. And don’t forget, they should make you feel important, too!