Dating a “giver” can be a truly amazing experience. ENFJs are in it for the long-haul – they want the kind of relationship where they can spend the rest of their lives with the same partner. If you’re not into this, an ENFJ may not be the right match for you. You should be prepared to expand your social circle because “givers” tend to have a lot of friends and acquaintances that they enjoy spending time with. If you are extremely introverted and have trouble understanding and appreciating why a partner would want to spend so much time hanging out with and talking about their friends and family, then you might not be content with a “giver.” If you can handle this kind of life then consider finding creative ways to indulge your partner in his or her ability to pick up on the emotions and feelings of others is a great way to show that you care. A local play, for instance, would give your partner tons of feelings to pick up on and can be a very moving experience for a “giver.”

The time may come when you need to offer your partner some constructive criticism. Be careful how you deliver your thoughts and feelings, as ENFJs are extremely sensitive in this regard. Failure to do so could leave your “giver” blaming his or her self and feeling unworthy. Avoid taking a tone that implies accusation when speaking to your ENFJ. Having a few solutions ready to offer can help your partner feel less emotionally attacked. One topic that you may feel moved to confront your partner about is coddling. “Givers” have a tendency to worry about those around them, especially when it comes to the happiness of their partners. They may seem overprotective or have a constant need to hear a partner verbalize their feelings and/or thoughts. The latter can be healthy in moderation but in excess you may begin to feel as though your partner isn’t giving you enough space. If you begin to feel unhappy then you need to express these feelings to your “giver” in the smoothest way possible while asserting your positive feelings for him or her at the same time. Explain that you care about them and you appreciate that they want you to be happy, but that their overzealous attempts to provide for your needs have become stifling.

Your partner may also be prone to completely forgetting their own needs. When you partner begins to do so, take a page from their book by perceiving and fulfilling your significant other’s needs yourself. Not only does this show how thoughtful you are, but it will help you to feel more productive and active in the relationship. When your “giver” begins to lose his or her self in the personalities of others, do something to remind them of who they are. A well-versed love note is a wonderful way to remind your partner of why you care for them and can shake them out of any “chameleon personality funk” they might fall into.


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